This is going to come off as a wandering and probably long winded write up that only touches briefly in the topic at hand, cyborgs. Criticize me in the comments.

I’m going to define cyborgs as once human that has taken on the inorganic as a part of their body, as an extension of their body, moving their body into a definition that is no longer human nor completely transcendent, dead. The undead may have been post human but were not cyborgs, as i recognize their at once dead state, having taken on the organic, disease, blood, scratches from cursed animals, as a part of their reconstitution, their bodies while transcendent do not posess and are not wanting of the inorganic. In fact, the ghoul, as i will be using to refer to the undead, has a preternatural longing for the organic, recognized in their devouring of flesh, raising ghoul armies, it is a desire to return and carry on the movemnets of humanity, minus the shitting.

The cyborg seeks the afterlife. However conscious the lust of a new ascension through the immorality of things is one that seeks to divorce what is soul from the experience. We make our gods in our image but better, the unblinking eye advanced to automatic and all seeing is no longer an eye, the eye has become fixed, more monument to vision than the eye. The cyborg looks to become part of the landscape in the same way, elemental, the light as apparatus and purpose defined in body. Mystery has been released and mastery has become the goal, knowing is no longer loving but rising above through a narrow understanding. In the garden there was a choice many fold and to consume became the path of understanding. To eat the light, the cyborg has become satiated with the immaterial, but only by the immaterial. 

On the battlefield the landscape is endless. It is the tactile nature of war, the replication of a feeling, where victory is all other things but the action because if the action were to end so would the constructed world. The cyborg does not assume this, the knowing is programed in its being and perpetuated in its reinforcing of the constructed world, a world of totality in its neverending, all things contained and never more to come.

 

I returned from a week of intensive performance art exercises feeling much more. My mental health has been of a slide for a few weeks prior to my birthday, as usual. I work really hard not to place my feelings on other people, not projecting anger, or for that matter sadness anywhere but into the ground it seems. My performance practice is based largely around expressing and expelling these feelings. Let’s say when it is successful I feel empty and wanting to be filled, maybe eating voraciously for several days or the opposite and wearing myself thin over nights of manic conception, digging deeper than is appreciated into the graves of what I have settled. I have enough new material to keep me occupied, this isn’t an escape as much as it is a rehearsal, it being embodying this kind of possession as vessel for creative ends.

I still need a job. I’m halfway through the month and I have almost nothing to my name as far as rent money goes. Maybe it is as much surrendering to my beliefs. I spent a lot of today thinking about a tweet of how I should have learned Spanish. There is preference for spanish speaker at the local museums. No preference placed on blackness. I can’t help but think about the capitalist cycle of consumption of people, there being no value on the black experience beyond body as tool. I bet I would be a shoe in as a security guard at any of the institutions that I have applied to but anything involving programming my resume is under qualified no matter the circumstance, its a vision thing. There isn’t a value placed on bringing black bodies to museums even if black artists are on the rise.

I have given up on another libra. Things that never sit well with me is the conversation around affirmative action in relation to my education. Apparently I am the product of exemplars and not myself to some people, that my success, and failures in my opinion, have come as a model pressed by whiteness. How fucking dumb. I will leave it at that. I’m not interested in having the conversation anything other than my work has put me where I am. I am not interested in having the conversation that I was put on to fill a quota. I am not interested in schooling anyone of any color about misconceptions lumped on my back by bullshit click baiting fascist, troll, or any other normative pos cultural maven.

Midterms reviews are this Friday and I am on fire. I am a field on fire. I am burning like California and Portugal. I am lit up like a million candles in a monastery. I am burning down the house.

Runtime: 33:17

Tracklist

Repetition – Tearist

I Told You I’d Be With The Guys -Cherry Glazer

Mean Demeanor – Run The Jewels

Get Some featuring Kamille – Ghosted

Silkk Da Shocka featuring Syd – Isiah Rashad

Congratulations featuring Quavo – Post Malone

Hey Mujhe Dil De Nahi Toh – Shashi Kapoor

September’s episode of Radio100Percent is about work. Monday October 2nd was my birthday. I’ve been school for 45 days. Last month I averaged 10848 steps per day. I recorded a few audio clips on what my work was about while making it, I still haven’t listened to them. They’re sitting on my phone. I haven’t had the time to transfer them to my computer.

I don’t consider myself busy, I have a schedule. September, I’m going to talk through, then I’m going to play some songs for the transition into my birthday month, October.

I’ve got four jobs on SMU campus, and may be adding more. I’ve been trying to contain myself to serving all my monetary needs between SMU and independent work. I’m on a fixed income from the MFA program, 150 dollars every two weeks. Ideally that covers my health insurance. For that I am a TA and a Gallery Attendant for the Pollock Gallery. I am also the sports editor of the Rotunda Yearbook. I’m building my resume with this one. I also have a monthly position, non paid with the Graduate Student Council.

I’ve been doing more reviewing. It’s a carry over of my readings. I have a meeting with some potential references for my application to the Obama Foundation Fellowship. In that meeting I’m going to discuss a paid blogging position mentioned to me as a potential source of income. For two weekends I have been scheduled to work in San Francisco. I’ve received the bulk of my income from these trips. October is going to be a busy month with my window for travel very low. I’ve been doing sex work for about 2 years now. It really does pay the bills. If I could do more I would book myself out every weekend. When I can I like to perform. September also had two cancelations. Every few days during the programming cycle for a private collection in Dallas I guard art.

In the studio I am working on a large installation project around a narrative and character I’ve created for a poem, The Royal Edward. The name is obvious. I’ve recovered tree sections, a deep freezer, and incorporated a collection of found and altered objects for these works. I’ve also acquired paper and ink to work on a new drawing series. I’m working on my largest drawing to date right now. The installation is a performance, a tomb/time machine, multiple relics, projections, a book, photographs, offerings, and documentation. A quote I’ve recorded is that I am trying to possess myself. The work is exploring alter ego and social engineering, A part of the work is institutional critique. I’ve thought of this project as a two year project and as of now I think I will have more free time than I considered. Filling that space is an unknown. That uncertainty has a lot of potential.

This music block I’m starting out with a track from a band I head at a dinner in The Cedars, It’s Repetition by Tearist, then I’ve got Cherry Glazer with I Told You I’d Be With The Guys, Mean Demeanor by Run The Jewels, Get Some by Ghosted featuring Kamille, then Silkk Da Shocka featuring Syd by Isiah Rashad, Congratulations featuring Quavo by Post Malone, and Hey Mujhe Dil De Nahi Toh by Shashi Kapoor. 100 Percent For Sure.

I am exploring conflict. My research has centered around medieval art work and sex. Capitalism plays a big role. Most recently I have been considering the relationship between feminity as expressed in monastic culture and womanhood, all this centering on text and imaging. In the unsaid is the relationship between masculinity and authority, and looking toward the celibacy of homosocial spaces in coisters. In creating this character I’ve been looking at the materiality of western Europe and the movement of religion specifically in its artifact, cults and cultural monuments, text, image, and the economies around these artifacts.

Taking these concepts into contemporary art objects, I am exploring fetishization, Freud, film theory. I’m interested in the intersections between performance and social possibility, fantasy and economy, story and architecture. I’m confronting challenges of scale, tradition, immediacy, detail. In maintaining a budget my first risk is balancing my time and energy. The size I work at doesn’t slow down my speed. I take the most time of creating around new media technology and materials that have multiple steps in their realization. My process around sculpture is very labor intensive, objects, I find for me, coalesce after I can place the object. The best example of this is the central relic I am making. There is a ceramic component that I am only now beginning to realize in form. I’m making the relic to also function in my kitchen as a table and freezer combo. In transforming the already functioning freezer, I am putting a tile covering and wood embellishment on a frame enclosing the freezer. In its presentation I’ve included a number of salvaged wood pieces. I found that many of the wood pieces were infested with carpenter ants. In making the wood usable in the work I’ve created a process I’ve documented as the creation of a pigment through an alchemy of harvesting and reducing to ash the carpenter ants and bits of organic material. These side projects evolve out of organically and have carry over in the overall building of the narrative structure surrounding the relics I am creating for the work, sometimes resulting in new materials like this example. All this increases the sustainability of my practice.

October I’ll be back with more interview and music. Any questions, comments, conversations, reach out to my the contact page. This is a recording.

 

It’s like how they say you always hurt the ones you love. That is the hinge point of neoliberalism, the place where everything folds in on itself and becomes the perfect package to deliver statements like we couldn’t save everyone. I am getting ahead of myself, but the exposition is more for me, maybe it will be equally for you, depending on how you want to look at it, if you are like me, anyways.

I saw In The Blood staged at The Meadows School of the Arts, a play by Suzan-Lori Parks, directed by Rhonda Blair. The play takes The Scarlet Letter to a modern end, centering on a Hester Pryn, 5 children into her life, fallen on hard times. The play takes race and the economics of the industrial revolution to task, it could be any time in the last hundred years in America, there is no escaping the crisis of living under the hand of the state, a hand blocking out the sun, a hand beating anyone too slow to conform to the machine to death. Suzan-Lori Parks uses language in a lyrical way that blends speech with song and prayer and action. Many of the beautiful moments of In The Blood come from the characters overstanding of the unsaid reality they are all trapped in. The tension of moments of reveal and masking of intentions folding into the backdrop of a city of a million stories. And yet in the midst of so many stories the cruel beauty of In The Blood is that there is no mistaking the modern Hester Pryn as anyone else, bound by the hands of time like fates noose, reflecting reality in the body of a woman that loved. It is a horror that is radical in its feeling that Parks delivers to the stage, a life caught in the rush of emotion like the gears of a grinding wheel.

I left a nearly empty notebook on my outgoing flight to San Francisco. I slept most of the afternoon and evening. My flight is in a few hours. I feel refreshed. Lots of new ideas for sculptures.

Did you know I have three jobs on campus, technically four? I get paid for three of them and technically only one of them. I still have a part time job in San Francisco. I can make a months rent in an hour. My travel is included.

I’m going to try and not lose you. I haven’t written a poem in months, but that changed this morning.

Monday I will be 31 years old.

I’ve got a studio visit tomorrow with the artist Robyn O’Neil. In the last week I’ve abandoned and doubled down on what I think is really at the heart of my practice. Most of what I would like to talk about is better for an artist talk instead of my artist statement but I’m making it better. I’m on my third statement in the last week.

I’m going fishing this weekend and gathering materials for an installation. I set out a goal to have a scale model built of this structure I’m working on. I think I’ll have three versions together if I really put my mind to it. The question is which one will I like the most. I’ve also got two mixed media pieces to put together..

I’ve been doing a lot of reviews and I’ll put out another one by the end of the week.

I’m going to reach out to the SMU football office about a social practice piece I want to do. It may not really be social practice and may be more education/activism/outreach. The lines are all blurred, anyone with a television could see that.

 

The Pollock Gallery is not featuring Acts of Aggression, an exhibition about community, featuring the work of 11 contemporary Guatemalan Artists, curated by Laura A. L. Wellen. The works tackle the impinging boarders and identities in a contemporary landscape reconciling with its past. The works exhibit a visual component of play in forms, moving between building block sculptures and assemblages of leisure,  video works featuring a kind of hide and seek between frontiers of the body and space, gestural representations of two dimensional image making, and experiential soundscape. Participating artists include Hellen Ascoli, Esvin Alarcón Lam, Edgar Calel, Manuel Chavajay Moralez, Margarita Figueroa, Jorge de León, Reyes Josué Morales, Naufus Ramírez-Figueroa, Gabriel Rodríguez Pellecer, Mario Santoizo, and Inés Verdugo

There is a film being released that I read about briefly on twitter. This is unrelated to the play I saw this evening. I am the connection between the two things, please bear with me while I exposit, there is an ah-ha moment. The moment was about the end times and a christian belief that some time around the 25th of the month the book of revelations would come to pass. This is built on a literal reading of the bible and according to the stars, we’re done for. I make no mockery of any of this.

I went to see a play tonight, Deferred Action by David Lozano and Lee Trull, directed by David Lozano. i had several appointments throughout the day, a job interview that fell through as I waited for 30 minutes for someone that never showed up, a long phone call with my wife’s lawyer in California, and a follow up conversation with my Mother-In-Law over the conversation with same lawyer. Sometimes the stars align and you are privy to internal machinations in a way that expound on our reality in interesting ways. Sometimes not.

Deferred Action is an hour and 45 minute piece of a trilogy of plays centering on a Mexican immigrant experience. This chapter of the trilogy follows a young Javier, college student, as he is thrust into the spotlight of two fictional presidential campaigns mimicking the most recent presidential election. The opening action of the play is a marriage proposal to Javier’s high school sweetheart. What if to follow is the descent into the monolithic bureaucracy of American politics and the choices faced in wokeness, the strains of relationships, and spiritual awakenings brought about by dreams.

I enjoyed the play. Presented in the political climate currently expressed through a 24hour news cycle nausea and fed by an insatiable social media connectivity, Deferred Action lays bear some raw emotional moments. These intersections expose the fragility of man, specifically men, to pride and delves into a kind of Freudian psychoanalysis of  family in a post truth society.  The staging of Deferred Action was beautiful, the action flowing effortlessly between dream states, graphic barrages of a simulated media blitz, and interior moments of turmoil and becoming. The writing takes twists that foreshadow later events in surprising ways that kept me interested through the final sequence, the ultimate rising leaving me satisfied with the ending. This is a story of shared dreams and constituents, a man’s world, as my friend Natalia commented during the question and answer session following the play, a world of man against those that mold him and the consequences of that fight.

XEC

The more I know, and it is mostly things I have know for a long time, the more I cannot remain in this place. I can write as many words on the enduring properties of the American Dream and my pursuit of happiness but I will always know that I must leave this place. There is no mistaking it as a kind of pain, disjointed and compartmentalized inside of my body, it is also a carelessness that pervades any sense of reason in binding myself to that kind of pain. It is a false positive in remaining in bondage, a promise that, while some can give, the whole is a thing of confinement. If there is a place that is, and I can not just imagine it, this movement is necessary. That stoicism of the industrious is a wound birthing (in)finite turns, the revolutions successive and fracturous, these are not to say broken as they reflect a continuum and resistance of reason. What, then beyond reckoning provides the space of other, not binding, haptic, if smooth, or infinite in textured and layered peace?

I’m heading to San Francisco Friday for a performance. I’m still sorting out the time I can write this and I think it will be a kind of forethought that if I schedule I will be more satisfied with the thoughts I put down. The third week of classes is winding down. I’m in the process of booking Saul Williams to meet with the MFA class. The event is still in the air, academics being what it is from a bureaucracy standpoint but I would be ecstatic to make this happen so early in the year. I’ve been granted some money to make some new works on paper I am really excited about. I haven’t stalled on my performance. I’m actually a bit hoarse from reading the last few days. I’m extending the project into a series of videos. The thought came together after meeting with one of the other first years. I think I will put it together as a series with a number of different directors. I had a very intensive plan of making a documentary during this time in my practice but I think this idea would be a better fit and better research for new works as well as a great chance to collaborate. Stay tuned

Orientation

Guest Jer’lisa Devezin
Runtime: 27:52

Tracklist
Of Cities and Escapes – The Poppy Family
Tyrant – Kali Uchis
The Same Old Mistakes – Rihanna

What direction are we headed? Colleges and Universities all over the United States are starting soon or have started soon, like I said, I’m in week two of a program I’ve thought about since I was an undergrad in California, many years ago. All that time seemed like a grand other that has pretty much remained true. I haven’t adjusted, I didn’t think even that I would do that adjusting. It is what it is. I do feel acclimated to my place here in Texas to a degree. I’ve been here since December, the weather doesn’t bother me as much, but I still need a job to pay my bills, rent, insurance, but I can find free food on campus occasionally. The kids I TA for look at me with some kind of deference, that’s a good feeling. I must be headed in the right direction then. If there ever was a right way to take this thing, does orientation mean being in line with the concepts of the above others that you can agree to the big important? Right now I’m supposed to be questioning my world in the continuum of art and contextualizing my work, that’s if I want to go that route. Anyway it’s an experience, yes, and like all experiences it is what you make of it. I’ve got a lot of autonomy, but I don’t feel free, I’m certainly not free.

I’m the photographer for the Pollock Gallery at Southern Methodist. My first show was the exhibition for the Dijon to Dallas exchange program between graduating artists from Dijon, France and Dallas, Texas. Here is a little video and a few images from the exhibition. I enjoyed the exhibition. Juan Alberto Negroni’s paintings have a beautiful texture to them that translates really wonderfully between works on canvass to works on paper. I haven’t been able to talk to Benjamin Grivot much about his work other than his performance, Exit, inspired by The Truman Show, with a Dallas sunset as the backdrop for the action of the performance. Watch the videos, they’re not edited, it’s my second week of grad school and I’m still working the kinks out, bear with me.

XEC

Some think values are meant to hold order. I think that is weakness of understanding to hinge values, especially collective values on order. What of the hateful values of white supremacists, what order is present in that value system, one that destabilizes with violence, the threat of violence? These are not values. They do not collect the whole rather dissolve the structure of society in all manners. There is disambiguation needed for values, as wealth is formed through value, and the aforementioned order of values are spread over swaths of culture and overlap into various systems. I’ve penned values as a set of actions that remind us of our better selves. With value being operative in forming systems, a dynamic form is required to place it. With our beings always in a state of flux, memory is the attainable piece that forms our reality, and values like record inform on that reality our higher beings in the connectivity to one another.

XEC